Viewing entries tagged
Mental Health

January Whiplash

January is giving me whiplash! Heavy rain and flooding, followed by a cold snap, followed by mild weather which spurred on an early spring with more birds singing and spring flowers emerging, then we got hit with snow, but swiftly followed by rain and milder temps again. Either way, I think the over-all pull of spring is fast approaching, no matter what the weather throws at us, it’s just around the corner.

January has the potential to be a little depressing for me, especially with Lockdown’s and a period of ill health and in general, a lot of stress in the family right now. So far though, we’ve dealt with everything together, no thanks to a good support system from my loved ones. The reassuring feeling that spring is fast upon us, is also very up-lifting. Already in the Garden I’m hearing a variety of different birds joining in on the action, as winter food supplies are running out, it can be a difficult time of year if the cold drags out any longer, but despite the cold night time temps, the daytime temps have been way above average and I’m already seeing substantial growth from my Daffodils in my Garden. Reports online of Great Spotted Woodpeckers drumming, Blue Tit’s making nests and plenty of Frogspawn in ponds. It’l be a few more weeks yet and really anything could happen as I’m reminded of the beast from the east that we experienced a few years ago.

I had a period of ill health, back and forth hospital with suspected gall bladder problems (again) but once I was feeling a bit more myself I started to record the birds I could hear from my doorstep. Everything in the little playlist below was taken from the comfort of my home.


Prior to the hospital trips I was enjoying getting out on my daily walks along the canal, and thankfully I was in walking distance of a Black Redstart, that was found by Marcus Doolan along the cycle track near Tesco. Such a random place, right next to a busy main road, but I believe the bird stayed for a while. It could even be still there! It was so tame, not very often you have to take the teleconverters off the camera, so all these were shot at 300mm (on a 1.6x crop sensor). Such a beautiful bird though, and well worth the walk.

Along the way, I was surprised to see so many Goosander, that appear to be getting a lot more socialised around people than they once were. I remember just a few years ago with one or two present along the south Sebastopol stretch of canal, but as soon as they saw anybody coming, they would fly away. Now though, they are following the Mallards around and coming in for the bread thrown out by public. Considering bread is bad for Ducks, I can’t imagine it’s that great for Goosander either, especially given that their diet usually consist of fish.


I’m back to work now though, awaiting some results from the specialist, so hopefully this experience will push my investigation along a bit quicker. My surveying Jobs take me to some random places, but for the last two years I’ve spent a lot of time surveying parts of the Gwent Levels. This week I had two very different locations to survey, one being a very busy farm and the other alongside the very tranquil Magor Marsh Nature Reserve.
I am very appreciative of my Job at the moment as I’ve particularly struggled this lockdown, as I know many of you are too. So I took the time before and after some of my surveys to capture a taste of what those areas sounded like. I hope you take the time to listen with your headphones as I’ve embraced the sounds of the environment, including sounds that I would typical avoid, like tractors, dogs, cars, trains ect, as we don't always get to chose our daily soundtrack, especially during these lockdown periods.

I’ll start with my day on the farm. Snow was on the ground, with -5 morning temps on a dawn survey, but spring was still in the area, with my first drumming Great Spotted Woodpecker and plenty of other birds to keep me perked up.

Also you’ll know by now already, I enjoy recording mimicking birds, and that morning I recorded this Robin, which gave a few good impressions during the short period I recorded. One phrase of a Great Tit, followed by another of a Blue Tit, but attempts were made to mimic Cetti’s Warbler and Goldfinch towards the end.

By far the best mimicker of the bunch though was this iconic Starling, which towards the end does a very convincing Yellowhammer Song! when not being outcompeted by a nearby Robin. As incredible Starlings are at mimicking, they aren’t very loud singers.


On another survey, I was lucky to have Magor Marsh Nature Reserve on my route, as part of a wider scope survey across the Gwent Levels. I was surprised to see Mute Swans building a nest already, but listening to the recordings below you would think it was spring, as so much was singing that morning. 2 Gadwall of note from the hide, one female of which has a white wing bar, which I have seen before. Only 6 Teal, 1 Kingfisher and plenty of Mallard, Coot, Little Grebe and Moorhens on the pond. Lesser Redpolls seem to be using the reserve quite often too and still plenty of Cetti’s Warblers making themselves known from time to time.

As I said, there were a lot singing that morning, but it’s always nice to get a recording of wintering birds singing, like this Redwing. This is their subsong rather than their full breeding song, but personally I tend to prefer the more complicated, scratchy subsongs.

I’ll leave you with plenty more songsters, including a performance from a Jackdaw that was trying to impress a female. Finishing with a Great Tit alarm calling, but specifically using their ‘Human’ alarm call, which is basically the bird telling me that they know I’m there… a bit pointless if you ask me but who knows what experiences these birds have with other people.

Indian Summer

Anything can happen this time of year with the weather but September has become a month not to underestimate, as we have consistently had warm weather creeping in, just when we all had a taste of the autumn in august with wet, windy and cold. Migration has some-what come to a stand-still in the last week, with no waders moving on my nocmig, but it has been replaced with a large movement of Siskin, Meadow Pipit and the odd Chaffinch. Now my Nightjar have left for Africa, I usually turn my attention to the water. Llandegfedd has already produced a few Ospreys on passage, one of which stayed for a week but remained antisocial due to all the boat activity on the reservoir. We were lucky to witness it leaving the reservoir after one last circle of the water in search of a fish and literally the next day, the same bird was picked up at Chew Valley Lake.

It’s now a great time to search for any late summer insects. Wasp Spider females are now at their largest size so they are easier to find and there are plenty of Caterpillar’s around that are fattening up, ready to pupate. In terms of resident birds, the local Raptor population seem to be turning to insects for their main source of food, including Red Kites, that I’ve observed feeding on what looked like large Beetles. This field was full of sheep so it’s likely that the beetles are a variety of dung beetle species that are draw to the fields by the sheep droppings. The coast-line is filling up with waders, with large flocks of Turnstone, Ringed Plover, Sanderling, Dunlin, Oystercatchers and Knot. It’s been a great year so far with waders, mostly around the coastline, with an abundance of Curlew Sandpiper, Pectoral Sandpiper and Little Stint in the country, all of which have been seen at Goldcliff Lagoons in the last two months. I have a group of friends that regularly bird Goldcliff Lagoons, and if you want to see regular updates on the birds seen there. I highly recommend looking at Blair Jones’s blog - https://www.thewildlifeoculus.com/ where he has a very well written, running documentary of Goldcliff Lagoons that’s also packed full of images that paint a vivid picture of the often, action packed lagoons. I also recommend subscribing to John Lawton’ youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/c/johnluk/videos as John also spends a lot of time on the Gwent Levels and puts a lot of time and effort putting together video clips. Video is another ball-game, you really have to be dedicated as not only does it take up a lot of space on the hard drive, it’s pain-staking to edit footage and cut it up into a presentable form.

I have a lot of images below, some of which have been taken very recently on short trips to the beach at Ogmore-by-sea. All others have been taken in Gwent, with a Great White Egret showing well at Blaenavon Garn Lakes. Wasp Spiders at Marshfield on the Gwent Levels, Osprey at Llandegfedd and the rest, pretty much in my tiny little Garden.


I’ve also been continuing to search for natural textures. I’m planning on using these images as part of a task at In Our Nature CIC. For anybody suffering with mental health issues, it can be an important exercise to make your world smaller. You might find yourself stuck in a closed environment all the time, whether it’s office work or you might be house-bound for health reason, so open spaces can feel a little overwhelming. Focusing less on over-all landscapes, and more on the little details right in-front of you can be a good way to over-come what can otherwise be a sensory overload. The same technique also works for people who take in too much information, in that they’re constantly exposed to open landscapes, where they’re always having to interpret large quantities of information. People who drive long distances tend to suffer from this and it’s often subconsciously so you aren’t even aware of how much information the brain is actually taking in.
We’re subjected to information every single day and we can’t control everything, but we can chose to concentrate on the little things.


Sound

The end of august was quite a windy one so I didn’t do much in terms of sound recording, other than of course this recording below from the comfort of my doorstep. Here you can really hear the depth of the wind storm at was upon us that day.

Since then it’s returned to our Indian Summer, and the water coming thru the inlet at Llandegfedd sounds beautiful.

The bird soundtrack is still very much so Robin dominated now but with the hot weather I have started to hear the odd Dunnock, Blue Tit and Great Tit singing. Next on my list is to get some nice recordings at the beach, the sound of Waves are magic, but I’m saving this for those cold winter days where there won’t be any birds singing.


Nocmig

I haven’t had much on the wader front, as there’s been a low pressure over Scottish seas for a few weeks now, holding those wader flocks back. I have had large numbers of Siskin, Meadow Pit and Grey Wagtails over the house early morning though, with the off Yellow Wagtail in the mix. I’ve just started to get Chaffinch in the morning also but Siskin seem to be dominating the morning migration, with numbers reaching in the hundreds. I’ve had that many recordings I haven’t uploaded any of them yet but here’s one of the closer Yellow Wagtail calls to end this lengthy blog.

Sound Recording

For months now I’ve been testing new gear in order to get the best results I can for a year of many plans with sound recording. Sound for me is so much more important than photographs. Anybody can browse the internet and see amazing images of wildlife and nature, but how often do we put good quality headphones on and just listen to the sounds of nature? It can be really helpful if you suffer from mental health issues and can’t find the time to get outdoors. I know it’s invaluable to me to be able to close my eyes and just listen to something that will actually enrich my life. Many people use Music in this way, as a distraction, but Music, especially modern music, can actually damage your ears if you listen loudly for extended periods of time.
Being a musician myself, I’ve been subjected to loud music most of my life, drumming at hundreds of gigs without ear protection. Thankfully, so far I’ve only noticed a slight decrease above 16khz, mostly in my right ear, but generally, I’ve been very lucky to still have very good hearing. The lesson here, please look after your ears. Losing your hearing isn’t what you would expect, especially if you form tinnitus where you’ll never truly be able to appreciate silence anymore without some permanent noise in your ears. Getting good quality headphones really helps as you don’t have to turn the volume up loud in order to experience a nice full-bodied sound. They are expensive, but I recommend the Bose Quiet comforts 35 Series 2 for extended periods of listening. As the name suggests, they are both comfortable to wear, but also comfortable to listen to as the high frequencies are soft and the low frequencies controlled, unlike most of the headphones on the market these days that have been tuned to punch out the bass for modern music. They might make it sound like you’re at the club, but that isn’t good for your ears.

Two new items of gear, one in the form of a Sound Devices Mixpre 6 ii, which is Sound Devices entry-level sound mixer that so far I’m really enjoying, despite having MANY learning curves regarding setup. I would not recommend this gear unless you have some pre-knowledge of sound recording. Along with the recorder, I also upgraded my Telinga Stereo Mk 2, to the Stereo Mk 3, and now I’ve figured out how to make the most out of my recorder, I’m finally starting to see some results I’m very pleased with. Below are a few recordings from this month. Despite being January, the mild weather has sprung many birds into spring mode: Even some winter visitors like Redwing have been singing, which is really nice as that is something we would not usually get.

Velvet Shank

The season is certainly mixed, with lots of winter fungi to explore. This is a Velvet Shank, so named because it has.. a velvet shank? lol. As I said though, I’ve not taken the camera out of the bag for a while as I’m finding sound can paint a much bigger picture.

Take this recording below. I just about pressed record in enough time to capture a daytime Tawny Owl, who wasn’t too happy with a pair of Ravens perching in the same tree, but if you listen carefully to the smaller birds in the background, and you can hear a Hawfinch calling throughout. I couldn’t actually see this bird at the time, but thanks to the sound recording I was able to share this bird with you.

Lastly I’ll leave you with this recording below of a double stream accompanied by two male Great Tit’s having a pre-spring song battle. You’ll also hear a pair of Buzzards that were pair bonding.

Mental Health Awareness Day

Coincidently, today’s activities have a direct link to Mental Health Awareness Day, so here’s what happened;

October last year I finished a dream Job with Aden Production, and with nothing lined up afterwards, I knew I had a struggle ahead. If I was physically and mentally well enough, I probably would have accepted any work at the time, but I’ve been there before, and pointless Jobs do not get you anywhere in life, unless of course, you have a strategic plan to use a Job as a stepping stone to get you where you want to be, but stable work is hard to come by and once obtained, can be tough to let go of. For many countless souls, a stable job can end up being a barrier between you and your dreams. Time is precious and nobody wants to live with regret. I’ve always taken risks with employment, putting myself totally out of my comfort zone in order to move somewhat in the right direction, but this time was different. Something in me had switched and I’m not quite sure how to turn that switch back on yet.
I turned to the government for financial help, but the system let me down. While I totally understand that many people exploit the benefits system and as a result, rules have been tightened, but I genuinely needed help at one of the lowest times in my life where my social anxiety was that bad I couldn’t even leave my own home. I did everything that was requested of me by the government, enduring cramped waiting rooms full stereotypes that I didn’t want to be around. It was deemed by a ‘health professional’ that looked younger than me, that I was ‘fit for work’ having only awarded me 12 points in their scoring system: 15 of which you needed to qualify for help. Awarding somebody points for their physical and mental illnesses, like it’s some sort of game, was probably one of the most demeaning things I’ve done. Especially when you’re told at the end that there’s nothing wrong with you and you should be working. Society facilitates this message over and over again as it’s easier to treat you all as numbers on a sheet, ready to switch out whenever convenient. The lack of humanitarianism is seriously frightening.

I wasn’t happy with this, so I appealed the decision and 7 months later, a date was set for my court case, but the appeal was postponed the day before the hearing. Of all the days, my rescheduled date ended up being today, which just so happens to be Mental Health Awareness day, which for some reason gave me a little more strength than I otherwise would have. I had help with the appeal process from Roger at the Disability Advice Project in Cwmbran. If it wasn’t for Roger, I wouldn’t have appealed at all, as the process was stressful and nowhere near as easy as it should be. Due to unforeseen circumstances, Roger couldn’t make the appeal today, so I had to go it alone, to what ended up being the most demeaning process I’ve ever been through. I don’t think I managed to string a single sentence together that made any sense to man, but in the end, I won the tribunal case. They awarded me ‘18 points’ for my mental health. I’m not sure what this means exactly yet, but they’ll likely give me the help that I should have received in the first place. If only they could wipe out all the stress and worry its caused to me and my family this year, not to mention the thousands of other people who have also been denied help, people of which have far worse cases than mine, but if there’s any message to take from this, it’s to stick up for yourself, don’t allow anybody to palm your illness off and say there is nothing wrong when you know deep down there is. Get help. Our minds are not invincible, they have a limit and they can break, just like a bone, only it takes a lot longer to heal.

He might be small, insignificant, hiding in his safe zone, but he’s processing the world as it rushes by. So long as he concentrates on himself and the things that are most important, he’ll survive the winter ready to burst into life again next spring.

Common Lizard

The Ground Moves

I’m not sure if these Fungi are just late / winter fungi or whether they’ve looked this way since the autumn, but they look in pristine condition. Photographing these late species reminds me of how little I actually know about Fungi..If anybody can recommend or even donate a good fungi ID book I’d be much appreciative as I do really enjoy them and I’m always looking to expand my nature knowledge.

It’s been mild but it only took 3 minutes for my gloveless hands to feel the numbing bite of this mornings -2c at Terpentwys Nature Reserve. I did note 6+ Crossbill calling and singing on the edge of the woodland right by the Car Park but I turned my attention to the ground, only really getting the camera out to photograph the emerging Lords & Ladies plants and the frozen rain from last night. I love the way Lords & Ladies unfolds from this spiral funnel and the photo below shows one of the leaves just about to break out of the funnel into those classic arrowhead shaped leaves. I also love the variety of leaf patterns, some showing dark spots and others completely spotless. Spring isn’t far away, but with upcoming snow forecast, I don’t think winter is quite giving up yet.

Ogmore Coastline

For some reason I always find myself needing the coastline at times when my anxiety is pretty bad. Being outdoors really helps clear my mind, and wildlife photography is a perfect way to help focus the mind on single tasks, blotting out a lot of things that I’m finding difficult at the moment. I’m currently out of work due to both physical and mental health issues. Whilst the outdoors certainly helps with my mental health, I do have to choose my destinations in accordance to public restrooms.. Not the most pleasant of things, but it’s something I’m going to have to get used to, having been diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease. I’m sure you’ll know somebody with this disease, and they’ll tell you, it’s not very pleasant. These people may also suffering with mental health issues, as it can be quite debilitating. Whilst it’s not the sole reason for my social anxiety, it certainly doesn’t help. With all that in mind, I chose to go to Ogmore this morning, as the car park has public toilets and it’s situated just meters from the coastline. High tide was at 9am, and despite the early Dog walkers creating a challenge to get close to the birds without disturbance, I did find a quiet corner where the birds felt secure, even with the Dogs on the rocks. I’ve always wanted to photograph Purple Sandpiper, having heard that they can be quite approachable, and they were! so long as they weren’t amongst other species of waders like Turnstone and Oystercatcher, as if you spook one bird, they all tend to fly away. The light was tricky to work with as it was slightly backlit from the white crashing waves. This in conjunction with 40mph winds and sharp rocks, it was quite precarious at times. A revisit in better light is a must!

Mental Health

Today just so happens to be World Mental Health Day, and I’d like to take this opportunity to speak about my own experiences, especially considering I’ve had to take time off work recently as a direct result of my own Mental Health. It’s all very real for me at the moment and I’ve finally got to the stage where I’ve had to ask for help.
 
Firstly, I’ve suffered with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) for as long as I can remember. This puts me in a generally low state throughout autumn / winter, and I have to try extremely hard to not fall into a trap, continually setting myself up for things to look forward to, or spending money on things that bring me pleasure in order to keep my mind occupied.

There are lots of things to look forward to in Autumn, and I am trying hard to break this cycle, but this is historical for me (and I’m sure many others), as autumn has always been a time of worry, stress, ill-health, bullying, drama, heart ache, anxiety, money problems… The list is endless  and the more I think about it, the more it makes sense why I am the way I am. Returning to school after a summer of roaming the British countryside, most of the time on my own, was always going to be hard to adjust to. Being forced to be in a room full of people, most of which are bullies, because if you don’t, you’ll fail at life. The system is a mess, with no regard to individuals.

This is where my social anxiety started and as the anxiety grew, I’ve sculptured my entirely life around it, making important life changing decisions as a direct cause of my social anxiety. I lost all my friends, not because we fell out, but because I chose to separate myself from a world I wasn’t happy with. Some deal with this reality positively and face it head on, and I’ve tried that.. I became a musician.. about the only place I was comfortable being in within any social environment, hiding behind a drum kit, watching the night go by and not really being a part of it. Just sitting there in my own world doing what I love, and doing it as best as I could, every single time. This seemed to work at the time but the reality was, it made me worse, and that is where I had my first anxiety attack. The first anxiety attack nearly put me in hospital as literally thought I was going to die, I didn’t know what it was, nor how to deal with it. That day I literally went home to my mother and cried my eyes out.. I hadn’t cried that much at my own grandparents funeral. Still don’t even know what the trigger was, other than trying to be the best I could be, the best way I knew how, and that was to get the speakers sounding perfect, the drums in tune, my hands warmed up, the car parked in a spot that wasn’t too far to carry the gear, all of which were far from perfect. The pressure to please people and myself got too much and something had to give out and the only thing I had left was my brain, which seemed at the time to have disappeared. It’s often called a panic attack, and that’s because the body has a flight or fight response to an experience that you can’t control. It happened again, at another Gig and even though it was bad, I did handle it a little better, because I knew what it was.

It’s good to know about these things, but nothing can prepare you for experiencing it yourself as it’s a silent killer. You aren’t aware its even there before it’s too late and you’re scraping yourself off the floor.

While it is tough for me, I can’t begin to think of how hard it must be for the people closest to me. My Girl friend and my Family know how hard it is to get me at family gatherings, social events, meals, weddings, shows, or just general meet ups. It affects me every day, and it’s hard to even talk about it as it just makes me ten times worse.

There’s no surprise that I’ve ended up with a passion for wildlife photography and nature conservation,. It’s because the outdoors takes me back to a world that is perfect…A world that doesn’t worry about human culture, it just carries on delivering the most memorable experiences of my life, all the while, making me a healthier person, thru sound, smell, touch and visual elements that have inspired the best creative minds in the world. Nature is incredibly powerful.

All I want from life is to be healthy, do right by my family, love my girl friend the best way I can, and share this wonderful world of nature we have on our doorstep with you. To do this, I'm going to need some help, and it starts by making everyone aware that people are suffering from their own Mental Health story, and I do take comfort knowing that I’m not alone. I just wished society would catch up faster, and start seeing us for the fragile minds we are, living each day as it comes.

I could go on but I think I’ll leave it there as I doubt I’ll sleep a wink tonight after this.
I’ll leave you with some photographs I’ve taken in the last couple of months. I haven’t managed to get out much as I’ve been flat out at work researching for a new Tv series for BBC Wales.

If all this is new to you but you feel you might be suffering from something similar, I’m happy to talk about it, but there are lots of support groups and a Doctor can offer various ways to help.

 

2017's Highlights

While photographs are a great way of showing you guys the things I see, they only show part of what it is that I experience when I'm outdoors. It's the 'being outdoors' bit that means more to me than any photograph can tell. Yes, I love taking the best images I can, but without wildlife and nature, it would mean nothing other than just clicking some buttons. I've spent little time with my sound recording gear this year but I'm hoping I find the time to change that this year. It's not just the visual elements that revitalise's us when we're exposed to nature, it's what we smell, touch and hear. I can't share smells with you, at-least not yet, maybe one day?, but I can share the sound's of our environment and bring the outdoors, in.

NatureHUB

This is the objective of my new business, and while I'm still un-decided on a name, I'm settling so far on 'NatureHUB', a place to purchase wildlife media and a place for wildlife walks, talks and training. I strongly believe that Nature is the best therapy for people experiencing stress in their busy, overcrowded, noisy lives. When was the last time you truly experienced silence? If it's been a long time, maybe that's something for the to-do list for 2018?. If I can help you experience nature and learn more about wildlife in the process, then I'd feel much more complete as a person. 

Sound Recording this year as been a poor effort but I did have this beautiful mimicking Song Thrush earlier in the year to save the day. During this song I could pick out at-least four difference species. There's probably even more than that but this was particularly special as it was mimicking a Green Woodpecker! Of all the beautiful sounding birds to mimick, why it choose the sound of a Green Woodpecker?.. I do not know.. lol. Either way, it seems to work well the way he does it. 

To wrap up this lengthy blog post, I hope you've all had a fabulous Christmas and have an even better New Year ahead of you.